meanie的心情随笔

Friday, July 24, 2009

开一开天窗

忙盲茫的生活难免会感到身心的疲惫。或许,五月天的这首歌《开天窗》能给自己一点鼓励,也给无力的你我一点点的推动力。



期待咸鱼翻身的一天。

Sunday, June 07, 2009

还是只咸鱼

你听过五月天的“咸鱼”这首歌吗?



我是一只咸鱼 不想承认 也不能否认

不要同情我笨又夸我天真 还梦想著翻身

咸鱼就算翻身 还是只咸鱼 输得也诚恳

至少到最后 我还有咸鱼 不腐烂的自尊



我没有任何天分 我却有梦的天真

我是傻 不是蠢 我将会证明 用我的一生

我如果有梦 有没有错 错过才会更加明白明白坚持是什么

我如果有梦 梦要够疯 够疯才能变成英雄总会有一篇我的传说



我不好也不坏不特别出众我只是敢不同

我的人生就是一错再错错完了再从头

也许放弃掉一些活得更轻松我却不再是我

我不愿一生晒太阳吹风咸鱼也要有梦



有一天有我的天空作我的英雄在我的天空我知道你懂知道你会懂



曾经,在歌词中,我得到力量,让不愿面对失败的我,懂得接受自己,然后鼓励自己像咸鱼一样努力活着,等待翻身的那一天。今天,我再听这首歌的时候,突然有一种感悟:不是每只咸鱼都有翻身的机会,一百只咸鱼中或许只有那一只像歌词中的咸鱼,能够浴火重生,而其他九十九只咸鱼终究只是咸鱼。



我就像歌词中的咸鱼一样,人生总是一错再错,越错越糊涂,越错越累。走错这一步后,我仿佛被掏空了似的,再不敢对未来有所期待,对梦想有所追求。没有目标的生活,会让人活得更累,因为,终日蝇营狗苟庸庸碌碌,却不知为什么,不知终点在哪里,这只是一种损耗,对理想的损耗,对热情的损耗。



也许是看了太多日剧了,总觉得,一个人工作时多多少少都要有一些理想主义的色彩,这样才不会被工作上的琐事难倒,才能保持热情。我的理想,却早已消失得无影无踪。



不只是工作上的理想,甚至是生活上的理想都不见踪影。我甚至尝试庸俗地列出一份愿望清单,但是却什么都写不出来。I don't think getting a LV bag will make me happy.



有时我真希望自己像Bee Hoon一样容易知足,毕竟,她的快乐是明确的,不是遥不可即的。



算了,whatever。

Thursday, November 06, 2008

失败的人生

我的人生,30岁之前都是极为顺遂的。凡是我想要得到的,只要我去争取,都能得到。

古人说,否极泰来,那么,泰极是否也会否来?做了这么多坏事,我的现世报到了。我的人生糟得不能再糟了,对于未来,不敢期望,因为总觉得想得到的一切只是奢望。跌入谷底中的人生,是否真能扭转?励志书中说的,雨过之后的天晴,我看不到。我的天空,一片黑暗,一片肃穆的黑暗,一片沉重的黑暗。

Sunday, April 20, 2008

回到地球表面


忍住心痛,花了148大元,就是为了五月天!这次回到地球表面之后应该就会安分点,当个静静听CD的歌迷,再没有青春与金钱容我这样挥霍了!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Things I dislike about teaching (1/X)

This is a long procrastinated post that I have entrusted myself to undertake long time ago. The main purpose is to remind myself what I dislike about teaching and to serve as a reminder if I ever think of joining teaching again.


Here it goes.

SWC, also known as Staff Welfare Committee, exists in many schools, if not all. As the name suggests, it is meant to promote the welfare of teaching and non-teaching staff in the school. The SWC people are usually the messenger to bring good news (such as installation of an OSIM massage chair, staff recognition day, etc) to the staff. Most often than not, these initiatives are warmly received by the staff.


I could not fathom why sometimes, some schools, in the name of welfare, would come out with initiatives that are not only welcomed by their staff, but seen as chores to many.


School A SWC introduced a Staff Workout Day on a School Term Monday afternoon (after class, of course) for all its staff members to walk from the school to Mount Z. To make sure all staff benefit from this healthy initiative, the school made it mandatory for everybody to join. You have to cancel your remedial, CCA, meeting, etc. if you have arranged anything in this afternoon, because, you gotta get your butt out of your office chair and be healthy! From the foot of Mount Z, everybody can build rapport with one another while panting and sweating walking up the mountain. What a lovely way to start the week!


The principal of School B was fuming when she learnt of the low staff participation rate in the health and fitness activities organized by the SWC. During one staff meeting, she chided the teachers for not showing support to the school for such good initiatives and ranted on how teachers do not lead a healthy lifestyle despite the many programmes organized and invested by the school. She was so convincing that everybody thought anyhow who had the courage to disagree with her would be seen as ingrates.


The two examples above are 100% authentic cases and I had the privilege of undergoing one of them during my not-so-long teaching stint. Cowardly as I was (and still am), I saw no point in telling me what activity to do, to keep myself healthy. If I like jogging, I will; if I like tennis, I will find a friend to play with me. But, why ask me to do something, in the name of my welfare? And why blame me, if I choose not to go for these activities?


I have many many questions in my mind. When I was a teacher, I could only resort to passive protest, like falling sick, but this is definitely not the best way to confront this situation. What I wanted from the school is, as far as STAFF welfare is concerned, listen to your staff, know what they want and encourage them. Having to take attendance on a staff welfare event like this will not score any point in your staff well-being.

Oh, yes, maybe, maybe a 100% attendance for a Sungei Buloh trekking trip will help in the school’s report when they vie for the Best Practice in Staff Well-being Award!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Encounter Japan

2003 June
Tokyo, Kamakura, Hakone

2004 Nov
Fukuoka, Oita

2004 Dec
Hokkaido (Sapporo, Noboribetsu, Hakodate, Lake Toya, Otaru), Tokyo (Highlight: Sanrio Puroland)

2005 Dec
Hokkaido (Sapporo, Noboribetsu, Kushiro, Lake Akan, Sounkyo, Asahikawa, Furano, Hakodate)

2006 June
Tokyo, Nagoya, Takayama, Osaka (Highlight: Universal Studio Japan), Kyoto, Obama (Kyushu), Hiroshima (Highlight: Miyajima), Hokkaido (Sapporo, Furano)

2007 Dec
Planning~

Friday, June 22, 2007

Disgusted

Disgusted.
Extremely disgusted.
I am extremely disgusted with myself.

I have been suffering from this disease since 1000 years ago, but there has not been any improvement at all even though I am expected to handle it better as time goes by.

I am suffering from the "cannot-say-no" syndrome. It takes a lot for those who do not know me to be convinced that I am troubled by this stupid disease.

It pains me so much to try to recall the incidents and my freaking behaviour when the disease struck. When does the disease normally strike, you may ask.


After a long long retropection and self-analysis, I conclude that there are some 2 characteristics when the disease 发作. They are:
when confrontation is involved
when I have to turn down somebody/something


To name a few incidents:


to decline prospective job offers
to decline harrassment from facial/spa sales assistants
to decline meeting up with people that I dislike
to decline talking to parents who didn't make appointments during PTM
to signal to someone that I do not wish to talk to him/her
etc


I find it so so so ridiculous that, the people whom I can't say no to are mostly the people who are not close to me or whom I am not afraid to offend. Shouldn't it be easier since being direct to these people means saving me from more trouble? There is this inexplicable fear in me that made me unable to decline without feeling guilty.


Normally, I would just succumb to their requests, but in cases where I really cannot accept whatever they offer, I would always come out with many lousy excuses:


No money (well, this can be true sometimes)
No time
sick
handphone not working
attending to some "domestic affairs"
i was overseas
etc


Sometimes I was so afraid to tell these people directly that, I would ask my friend to help me write an email or answer the phone. What a coward!
Seriously I really wonder why I am behaving like this and I really really hate it!!!






Karen Sun! Do something about it, will you?